Hi Bonny. Thanks for your email.
Today's a snowy day in Kansas City. The streets are shut down & I can't leave the house. These days, I find it glorious. Years ago I would have been oh so frustrated. I always had to be going or doing something. This has slowly changed as I have healed. Being on the go was my fate until I learned the word "workaholic" 15 years ago. This fit me too well & started me on a journey that has taken me to inner places I never expected. The truth is I was addicted to a process.
For me, that process was called "work," or specifically, the touring/music hustle. I couldn't stop. The results varied quite a bit, but when things lined up and I got the gig or booked a tour, it fits all the stress-relieving criteria of post-use-addicted euphoria. I was roughly five or so years into my touring career. At first, music was something I did for fun until the work began to control me.
Around that time, Tessa ended up in the hospital for ten days with an obliterated appendix. This was in the middle of the period when I had booked us 24 shows in 5 months while I was going to college fulltime and she was working the insane hours of tax season. She almost died. (See the album Until My Ankles Better written in response). My actions were compulsive. I define compulsive activity as something you can't stop but want to. This was true for me. I couldn't slow down or take days off. My need to be liked and so many other things were fueling my drive.
So when I speak of process addictions, I'm talking about patterns a person is caught in that do not necessarily include a drug or drink, things such as technology use, unwanted sexual behavior including pornography, gambling/sports betting, people-pleasing, avoiding conflict, etc. can all fall under this label. Substance use gets the bulk of the focus in the addiction world, and for good reason. It can often be life-threatening, but that isn't my struggle.
Process addictions are a different beast, sometimes with a very socially acceptable upside. In the case of work addiction, you can't entirely avoid the need to work, but you can address and heal the broken beliefs that are fueling you. This is made more difficult when the society around you praises or takes advantage of your drive, denying a problem exists. I'm not sure I'm a workaholic anymore; I define myself as "recovering," but man, those tendencies are far too easy for me to access and justify even as I get further & further down the path.
Depending on the situation and type of process, someone is caught defines the necessary approach. Solutions range from complete avoidance to more moderate harm-reduction-based solutions. Awareness of being a slave to a process addiction is just the start of this journey. What I have found helpful for my particular sickness is finding the proper support.
The journey of healing broken foundations is slow, but it's good work. I think it's worth it. I'm a more present and less controlled person, which benefits everyone I interact with.
*Nate Allen is a Licensed Clinical Marriage & Family Therapist in KS and MO. He is the author of Launching, Landing, Moving Forward: A Practical Guide For Navigating Life’s Transitions. Dear Natey is meant for entertainment purposes only & should not be considered a replacement for speaking to a mental health professional.
Life Update:
Starting January 1st, Nate entered the therapy business for himself and started Nate Allen Therapy. In addition to seeing traditional therapy clients, he has opened up the possibility of coaching. If you don’t live in Kansas or Missouri and want to meet with him for creative or mental health reasons, that is now an option.
Music Updates:
In April, we play JCHC Fest in Southern California with loads of old friends.
Praise for I Write The Songs I Need:
“Much like Neil Young, Rich Mullins, or Sufjan Stevens, his voice and the emotion behind it, is amazingly compelling.” - Indie Vision Music
Songs was reviewed and likened to The Mountain Goats, Bob Dylan, Laura Jane Grace, and early Green Day - New Noise Magazine
“Worth listening to” - Steel Notes
“Breathes new life into the world of anti-folk.” - Aldora Britain (Read the interview!)
“The new album has a lot of introspection but balances the deeply personal aspect with a wider universality while never losing sight of a well-crafted song.” - The Pitch
"Rich in satisfying hooks and compelling storytelling" - Prism Reviews
"It might not be Woody Guthrie, but it's about as close as we're likely to get these days." - Jersey Beat
"There are so many lyrics to love" - Down The Line Zine
"Will resonate with fans of storytellers like Frank Turner, Pedro The Lion, and the Mountain Goats." - Idioteq
Nominated for best local album by The Pitch in Kansas City.
Click here to stream or purchase the album I Write The Songs I Need.
Other Fun:
Oh, and Nate just joined TikTok.
We made a t-shirt store.
We’ve also been posting new music videos.
As always free ways to support our adventures include inviting your friends to like our pages, posting about our latest releases, and following/streaming/putting our tunes on playlists to share with your friends.
Thank you for your continued support!
An interesting way to frame it, I can definitely feel that. In many ways workaholism is a symptom of capitalism putting the value of a person in their productive money-earning labor. It's important to remember to follow our inner guides rather than the pressures of an unsustainable economic system.
Thank you for the explanation of process addition. Your post give clarity, are inviting to read. Great Therapist!